Who Is This Creature?!

I have never encountered anyone who could stir me from one extreme of thought and feeling to the other so ferociously! I have not even had a real conversation with this creature! And yet, there are times I want to yell in anger and frustration, and other times, I want to bask in the comfort and wisdom expounded. Who is this creature that stirs me so?! I want to know, yet I am not sure that I do.

I am not inspired by very many, in fact, I can count the number of people that have offered any inspiration to my life on one hand. 1..2..3..4...And with so few people able to stir my heart and mind, you would think that I would be quite resistant to include this creature to my list! Yet, there it is!! Inspired to do better, to aim higher, to love deeper....-----!

My prayer life has become very animated at times because of this creature...challenging me to draw all the truth of who I am out of my heart! The nerve!!! OI!

Does this creature have ANY CLUE WHATSOEVER as to the effect it is having on me??? Doubt it.

Who is this creature? I will tell you who this creature is....


The creature is only the vessel, it is its obedience to Ruach Qodesh that stirs my soul, that I can not ignore. I am drawn closer to who I am and who I am to be. This is a struggle, it should probably be less of one because I am a warrior - a regal warrior at that. I can not, I will not shrink back - I am called, regardless of the intensity of the battle...

The reality is, facing who I am - who I am to be, is intimidating at times. Sometimes I feel lonely in this spot, other times, strong and fearless. That is why this creature bothers me so...he has no idea how he is being used by our Father, oblivious to his impact on me a world away...and I can't tell him to stop...he wouldn't listen anyway. He is called to be who he is called to be; I respect that.

Why do I subject myself to his influence? Because, I am on a quest and he happens to be the vessel I need to drink from...he is also the vessel I am called to carry.

Just a Reminder...

I once had a wise and wonderful woman tell me, "I know that God has your deepest, truest, most holy desires in the palm of His hands, and He will not withhold them from you. At just the perfect time, He will shower His blessings on you, because what you most deeply want is what He most deeply wants to bestow upon you." Her words watered my soul so deeply with the Truth of God woven in her comment.

Isaiah 30:18Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!Isaiah 30:17-19 (in Context) Isaiah 30 (Whole Chapter)

I just needed to remind myself of this today...

SHALOM

SHALOM

Psalm 148

Psalm 148:13 Let them praise the name of the LORD, for his name alone is exalted; his splendor is above the earth and the heavens. Psalm 148:12-14 (in Context) Psalm 148 (Whole Chapter)

A Part from The Journey

I am feeling as though the world around me is going to collapse any moment. Nothing makes sense. It is discouraging and frustrating. I am surrounded by fog. I am listening for the call, I am looking for the light, I am smelling for land, for water, for anything that might be of any comfort or help....nothing. I reach out to find my way and grasp nothing but empty air....breathe, remember to breathe...where am I? and how did I get here?? The last thing I remember, I was fine, moving forward...I could see the outline of something glorious and I was fixed upon it, moving towards it...What happened that I fell? ...Breathe...think...breathe...what do I do now...?

Where Would You Go With Me?

Would you go here with Me??
How about here?
...Here?

...or Here?

How about here?

Would you go here with Me?

Would you go here with Me?

Would you go here with Me??

Never will I leave you, nor will I forsake you...

Money Personified?

I recently came across a question that was posed about money. Michael Warden asked, "If Money were a person, how would you describe the nature of the relationship between you?"

At first, I brushed off the question with the thought that I didn't need Money...and our relationship would be indifferent, but then I read the question again.....Money personified...hmmm...

It would be unrealistic to think that I do not need money in our society. I don't think about money obsessively, I do think about it though...more now than when I was younger. Growing up, I watched my grandparents, aunts, and uncles generously provide for each other and for people outside our family regularly. If someone was in need, they found what was needed and gave it to them...cheerfully. That had a huge impact on how I view money and possessions. I always knew that if I was in need, my family would be there for me.

I believe Money is something to be respected. And though at times it has had influence over me, for the most part, I care for it. When it comes into my hands, I determine where, when, and how it should be spent. It is a give and take relationship. I do not hoard it (although I could probably learn to better invest it), I am willing to share it (others need it more than I do at times); the reality is that what I have can be taken away - I try not to take it for granted...sometimes I need Money and I am willing to work for it.

I have lived with very little and I have lived well off (comparatively speaking in my community) - even when I had very little I had more than 95% of the world's population. I made due with what I had...I was probably more regularly creative then and more tolerant in some ways (you know...with in-house visitors...moles, mice, bugs, even snakes...spiders were considered friends, the big ones were always named George - somehow the kids were less intimidated if the creature had a name).

Anyhow, I view money as a tool. If I do not have the right tool, I get creative and find a substitute or if no substitute can be found, I wait for God to provide through family, friends, or mysterious circumstances (it has happened, but that's another story).

Money personified - we could be friends...we could be strangers passing by each other with a glance between us...we could be partners...Money could control me, if I let it...Money could be a teacher to me...I could be Money's caretaker...Money could be a real jerk, seducing me with false promises...No matter how I imagine money, I still see it as a tool. A tool that can help or hinder me depending on how I handle it. Like I said, there is an amount of respect that is due money, in the sense that, how you choose to make money a part of your life can bless you or destroy you. It is your choice. I choose to trust God, not Money.

1 Timothy 6:10For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.1 Timothy 6:9-11 (in Context) 1 Timothy 6 (Whole Chapter)

Forgiveness

Recently, I had someone come to me to ask for my forgiveness. Ironically, the thing they were asking for forgiveness for I was familiar with, having engaged in the same activity in the past.

Now, even though I was bothered by what had happened, I realized that I could not condemn them for the same thing that I had done - I am no better than that person. "We all sin and fall short of the Glory of God." Rom. 3:23

I immediately forgave them.

This all well and done until they brought up the offense several times in the conversation following. I needed to reassure them that I had forgiven them.

Have you ever done that? You have felt so guilty about something that you have done, that even when the person you have offended forgives you, you cannot forgive yourself?

It happens all the time...guilt, shame, self-condemnation...

Don't wallow there.

Move on...Forgive yourself...Learn from your mistakes...And hopefully you will not commit the same offense again....And you will be able to offer your wisdom and forgiveness to others in the future.

Michael...

Yeah...So, I had an appointment with my fitness trainer, Michael, to revamp my program and my goals. Together we determined what I wanted to accomplish over the next few months and, he, (being Michael), comes up with a wonderful plan to reach my goal.



First of all, a little about Michael...he is good at what he does (and it shows), he knows me well enough to know how to challenge me, and he is patient (he doesn't let me sidestep any of my regimen, no bs allowed) --- I like this, I respect him for these qualities, among others. That being said, I was ticked at him today!



Today, the best program for me to reach my goal includes (of all things) RUNNING!!! ARG!!!



In case you missed the tone of that last sentence....I do not like running. If I had to run, I would consider cross country running - its fun, interesting, and challenging....but running on a treadmill or on pavement for that matter, has got to be the most mind numbingly BORING exercise!!!


Notice the picture - NO ONE is smiling or looking even remotely happy!!!


Oops...did you hear that?? That was the growl of every runner/jogger that takes some perverse pleasure from running on a treadmill, or road, or hamster wheel - whatever, as they prepare to rebuke me with strong words to their defense.


Okay...Okay...my words were harsh, I know...and running can actually free up your brain for working through whatever dilemma-du-jour, helping a person relax both physically and mentally...actually, I have a lot of respect for runners who can run for more than 10-15 minutes...envy? perhaps...And running really is one of the best ways to get your heart in shape...And one of the best ways to lose body fat overall...yada yada...


Sigh...I am resisting...I am resisting that which I need to face and conquer. So...I cannot rant any longer - I need to stand tall, change my attitude, and run. Not away from this task, I need to take on this running business as a challenge that will help me become stronger, more fit. And one day, I may be able to encourage someone else who is in the same situation as I am in now, and I will be able to say, "I stopped resisting, I took up the challenge, and I conquered it...so can you!" (Can you hear the music in the background...place your hand over your heart if you really want to get into the mood...)


Okay - Seriously, I will change my attitude, I will try to find some enjoyment in this running program, and I will reach my goal. I will not be defeated, I am an overcomer...(the music is starting up again, I guess I should quit while I am ahead)....MAN, this is going to take some serious work just to change my attitude...I will do it though, I must, I want to reach my goal!



Strangely, I am reminded of this scripture....
1 Corinthians 9:24Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.1 Corinthians 9:23-25 (in Context) 1 Corinthians 9 (Whole Chapter)

Who says God doesn't have a sense of humour....

Communication. Starting Over...

Hello?...Can we start over?

...(silence)...

Please?!?...Please forgive me.


...I forgive you.


Thank you. I needed you to forgive me...


Why?


Because I was foolish to speak the way I did.


We all make mistakes.


...(silence)...


You have my forgiveness, you need to forgive yourself...

...And We Have Blossoms!!!

New apple blossoms unfolding from my apple tree...Horray...(the story is below).

My Apple Trees...How They Came To Be...

I like to garden. I love getting my hands dirty; I love the colours of the flowers and the leaves, the smells each produce, and the textures produced from the smallest petal to the largest tree as a whole.

Gardening has been a part of me right from my earliest memories. I lived with my mom and my grandparents for the first 4 years of my life, and I remember going out to the vegetable garden with my Poppa to weed and harvest the produce. Poppa would work away and I would usually abscond a cucumber and plop myself down in between the rows of veggies and munch away. If it wasn't a cuc, it was beans, or peas, or carrots, or strawberries, or...whatever I could get away with. Poppa was very good about me helping myself...Grandma on the other hand, was not as forgiving - especially when I decided the pea patch would be my target!

We had gooseberries too...oh, those were the days...

Later on in life, my dad's mom - Grandma Pat - had a very prosperous garden center where I learned even more about plants, furthering my love for gardening. I would work in the garden center planting seeds in the spring in the greenhouse, and unless you have been in a hot, humid - filled with new growth, greenhouse, you may not appreciate the delightful earthy fragrance that would be reminicent of a rainforest, or even a forest on a hot muggy day after the rain. Either/or, the smell was very pleasant to me.

Grandma Pat's father started the garden center and Campbell's Garden Center still stands today. The location of the center has moved from by the river to out to the highway, but it remains in the family with my aunt continuing the business.

It was Grandma Pat's father who bought apple trees from an orchard nearby and planted the parent tree to my trees below. The apples are like a Mackintosh but they are actually a heritage apple whose name Grandma Pat can not recall.

From the parent tree, which is about 100 years old, I took 66 apples and buried them in my garden. In the spring, I had 6 seedlings. Of the 6 I gave 4 away and kept 2. For the past 6 years I have babied my trees. When I moved to my current location, I couldn't decide where to put the two trees, so I kept them together. Four years later, I was afraid to dig them up to separate them, so I left them and I forged ahead, bravely pruning them this spring...

And look!!!! I have buds!!! I will have blossoms!!!!
The picture is not the best, but when the flowers begin to bloom, I will take a better pic.

I could not be happier! I didn't think that my trees were going to blossom so soon (they have been through 2 moves, less than optimum soil conditions at times, and a newbie pruner). People kept telling me they would not blossom for another few years...Ahh, I am pleased. I normally do not 'baby' my plants. If they do not thrive under normal conditions, including drier-than-normal, then I do not replace them....harsh, but practical. My apple trees were different. They carry a heritage, a positive memory trigger to my youth, they are the result of my diligence and care. I will continue to nurture my trees and I look forward to the fruit they will produce...with great pleasure, I look forward to their fruit! I will keep you posted on their progress...

Communication. Helllooooo!!!??!

What are you trying to say?

Blah, blah, blah.

What?!??

Yada, yada.

I don't understand!

Hughn, hmm, blachk.

Speak clearly! Elucidate! I DO NOT UNDERSTAND!

...(silence)...

Oh.

Love Beyond Fear...

Barbara Chester, a psychologist, who directed
the first U.S. center for rehabilitation of torture victims in
Minneapolis, Minnesota, in 1997 wrote:
"Torture is an act that defies the boundaries of language. We reserve the
thought to express an anguish deeper than pain. Ultimately, however,
working with torture survivors has taught me that the fact of pain beyond
pain leaves only the hope of uncovering a calm, healthy, and entire soul
within a distressed and devastated body that if there is pain beyond pain,
there is also tranquility beyond reason, faith beyond injustice and love
beyond fear."

(Written in an unfinished book, Mercy Has a Human Heart,
halted by her death at age 47 from cancer).

Sexual Assault

The following is an excerpt from the Northview Pentecostal Church blog (link under 'My Blog List').

“A young woman, slightly unkempt with tear stained cheeks is sitting in the back of a police cruiser, in the middle of the night. She is told that she will have to be transported to a community two hours away from her home and she bursts into tears again. "I am not the criminal here!"Likely story you might say if you read the above without the context. In fact, she is not the criminal in this situation she is the victim, a victim of a sexual assault and because there are no specially trained personnel available to help her in her home community the trip is necessary.As a woman I am disgusted. Imagine having been violated in such a violent way, sexually. This young woman is no doubt upset, she has bruising in very private places on her body, private places that she would only share in very intimate or medical situations.These parts of her body are also filthy with the body fluids of the man that did this to her.As a person who is involved at arms length with victims of sexual assault I can say that this type of situation is the norm!There are many holes but this is where the story can begin.” ~Lynn

"The above note/posting came from a friend of mine. It describes the situation that a young lady has faced after the Rape she endured.It happened in Saskatchewan. The place that it took place in is not large. To do the proper investigation they must do in a proper way to not lose valuable evidence. Virtually the young lady is the “crime scene” and must be handled properly or when the potential court case and conviction is sought, the criminal will be set free.During the court case her testimony is vital and so is the evidence. When it is over and the results of the case have concluded – the person who did the assault/rape – is dealt with by sending him to jail. But it is far from over for the woman.The fears and nightmares that she will experience will be unending – perhaps for a life time. The first raping by the man is horrific. The second raping is potential by the system that handles her.In the account given by Lynn she is made to sit in the back of the Police Car for two hours while traveling to a bigger center that deals with this issue more often.Put yourself in her shoes and in the back that Police Car – alone and dirty – defiled by someone she either knew or didn’t know. Who will she cry with or scream at in those long two hours? No one is sitting with her as she is the “evidence”.Why am I passionate about this?Well as a person that cares… I care all the time – not just up to the court case and through the court case. It is long after that when no one listens or even seems to be there…when all the pieces that were shattered and dreams that once were have evaporated… I find the person struggling to exist or even stay alive.Jobs are hard to hold after a rape. Family is hard to enjoy after you have been violated. And as much as the individual tries to “get on with life” – or suck it up and move on – that horrible half hour will never leave. We need to do all that we can to help the victim of these crimes. Mr. & Mrs. John and Jane Public read about the arrest and the trial in the newspaper days later it has happened. Then are moved slightly by what they read…but then skip to the next article on the page about the price of chickens, the fact that a politician is in trouble and that real-estate prices are climbing. Simply the public never really knows what goes on or how people are treated. That is wrong! We need to know. We need to understand. We need to care. So what has that to do with church and God and Christian and all that stuff? As a pastor I would suggest that we really need to get out of our comfortable pew and do something. I can guarantee you that it will years before this young lady darken the door of a church or sits in one of our pews with her pain. Can I suggest in a very loud voice – “FOR GOD’S SAKE AND THE SAKE OF THIS YOUNG LADY DO SOMETHING!”~ Pastor Murray Lincoln ~"

My Response:
I hear you. I am currently taking a course where I am politicizing around sexual assault, and I am also writing a paper on torture. Sexual assault is a form of torture where the perpetrator is attempting to exert control over the victim. The victim has many issues to deal with after the violation, one of the main ones being the issue of self-worth. Acknowledging that the violation was NOT their fault; that they did NOT deserve this, is of upmost importance in helping the person begin the road to healing! So often, we don’t really know how to respond to a person who has been violated because we feel uncomfortable in acknowledging the reality of their circumstances such that we avoid reaching out or we reach out mechanically not allowing ourselves to respond with any emotion. Sexual assault is tragic. It is something that we should get angry about. It is something that we should mourn over...people - adults and children, are being hurt, abused!! It is wrong and we need to come around those who have been in this situation with compassion, gentleness, and sensitivity so that we become part of the solution, not a contributor to their pain. The treatment of this girl, because she was continued to be treated like an object (as "evidence"), compounded the wounds inflicted upon her and prolonged the healing process! I cannot emphasize enough that acknowledging that the person DID NOT DESERVE to be violated, that the person has worth, is so very instrumental in the healing process. I know...I speak from an experience of being assaulted and personally working through the process of healing. Everyone has worth. I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and reach out with the love of Jesus Christ and be a part of the healing process.
~MistiPearl
Romans 12:15Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.Romans 12:14-16 (in Context) Romans 12 (Whole Chapter)