Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Release me...

I want to write. I want to pour out my soul in a song. I want to fly...Something within me needs to express itself...to be released...I want to soar.

So, I come to my blog and express and ponder the words I write.

Release me. Something within calls out in desperation. There is something wonderful and beautiful within longing to be free. Who has the key? I have never considered someone else holding the key before. What is the key? Love. (I hesitated to write that because I was hoping it was something I better knew or understood.) This speaks volumes now. Love holds me prisioner. Who? Who? ....What? What is love?

I know different kinds of love: agape, philo, eros...I have expressed and received each of these at some point in my life. I think it has been superficial though. Certain family members I still love unconditionally...I have friends...eros is alluring, but not in my life right now...I haven't hit it yet, what is this love that holds me captive, that will not release me? Is it my God? Does He hold me back for some reason? To protect me? I long to soar...Father, please release me to soar...I see that it is my relationship with my God that I struggle against. Who do you want me to be? What do you want me to be? I am a Child of God...what does this really mean?

There is this man I have been watching from afar. He constantly challenges (anybody) me to reveal/live/be my true identity...How do I accomplish this? I think I am being real until I realize that I cannot let other see my failures and weaknesses. What will they think? or worse, it will reflect horribly on my God, on Christianity, and then, certainly, I fail my God.

Release me...I want to be the Woman of God I am called to be! Release me, please...

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