Word Waterfalls

I like to do this exercise where I write or say words that flow uninhibited in the moment. It is kind of like brainstorming except that there is no real goal, just words. Of course if you pay attention, you may find a theme.

Sometimes my heart speaks of the moment in ways I didn't expect. 

I find this exercise relaxing. It can make me look at the world more deliberately, or hear sounds around me more intently, among other things. For example, last night I did this exercise during my walk and I realized that despite being in the outskirts of a small town, there was a plethora of noise in what I originally thought was a quiet night!
Mechanical noise...
So. Much. Noise.

I have documented some of these exercises in my blog. Poetic words, feelings, insight, peace, direction, revelation, flow, release...

It is a good exercise, and (generally speaking) you don't even break a sweat!

These days, I need release. There is so much tension, darkness, absurdities, lack of common sense, lack of courtesy...just so many things that I seem to be observing that draw all good energy and give only bad vibes. Letting my light shine is becoming more difficult.

Laughter, fun, calm, joy, song, bright light, love, peace, joy...obscured.

As I look to scripture, I find myself craving the presence of Jesus, not just words. Letting the Holy Spirit fill the gap between the Word written and the Word alive is essential, but some days I do not feel it. Like when you read "the joy of the Lord is your strength" and try as you might to bring forth that joy, it just does not manifest...
Perseverance, don't give up doing good, wait upon the Lord, no weapon formed against you shall prevail, run the race, rest in the Lord, when I am weak you are strong, sing to the Lord, exult His Holy name, the joy of the Lord is your strength...perseverance.

Word waterfalls. 

Let the words flow, let the words flow.................. 

let 

the 

Spirit 

of 

the 

Lord 

wash 

over 

you,

 and 

let 

Jesus 

speak 

to 

your 

heart 

and 

mind. 

                                      Let His Word flow...

  

Come, Lord Jesus, come...You are welcome here.

Quiet Thoughts

disillusionment

disappointment

authentic

breathe

future

walk

scholar

evangelism

lies

self assurance

impatience

calm

.

.

.

redirection

Though the world around me ebbs and flows, sometimes violently,

Though the clouds hide the sun and rain falls,

The world goes on.

Jesus - a constant.

Divine and mundane

Revelation awaiting

Personal and corporate

...waiting...

A beautiful swirl of life, living, and death

A masterpiece yet to be completed, but finished.

Great are the works of the Lord; they are pondered by all who delight in them.

~Psalm 111:2 

Life And Gratitude

Life.

I see it everyday in the mechanical sense. 

People living life. 

The good, the bad, and ...neither...people just living.

Today someone almost took me out as I turned into an intersection. The person didn't even slow down. He sped along with his arm casually out the window. He saw me. He didn't brake before, during, or even after the near miss. I can only assume he didn't care. Perhaps he figured there was lots of time, who knows? All I know is that within that second or two of avoiding a collision, I became even more grateful for God's protection and for my life.

Life.

Zoe

1. life

a. the state of one who is possessed of vitality or is animate

b. every living soul

2. life

a. of the absolute fullness of life, both essential and ethical, which belongs to God, and through him both to the hypostatic "logos" and to Christ in whom the "logos" put on human nature

b. life real and genuine, a life active and vigorous, devoted to God, blessed, in the portion even in this world of those who put their trust in Christ, but after the resurrection to be consummated by new accessions (among them a more perfect body), and to last for ever.

In the Greek language, three different words—bios,psuche, and zoe—are translated as “life” in English, and each has a different meaning. Here are some examples of where each is used:

1. Bios, in Luke 8:14: “…anxieties and riches and pleasure of this life.” This Greek word refers to the life of the physical body and is where we get the word biology.

2. Psuche, in Matt. 16:25: “For whoever wants to save his soul-life shall lose it.” The Greek word here refers to the psychological life of the human soul, that is, the mind, emotion, and will. It is where we get the word psychology.

3. Zoe, in John 1:4: “In Him was life, and the life was the light of men.” Here the Greek word refers to the uncreated, eternal life of God, the divine life uniquely possessed by God.

Life is a beautiful thing. We desire it, we search it out, but oftentimes, we avoid it. 

Life can be inconvenient, painful, frightening, and so sometimes we just exist.

In that moment of near-miss, I experienced gratitude for life. All of the things about my life in that moment that irked me became forgotten. I was just grateful.

Too often I complain about my life...I seem to hold myself to an ideal that is out of reach - whether this is good or bad...I want more life. My practical side often holds me back from doing more, and perhaps that is a good thing, but like an insatiable appetite, I want to live life more fully.

When I am reminded that God has a plan for all of us, I tend to wonder what that entails. Am I missing out on something because of my practical side? Am I avoiding life because it is too intimidating to take that step outside my comfort zone? Or is this it...my lot in life? Why am I still desiring more?!

As I grapple with my idea of what life should look like, I trust that God will continue to steer me to where that ideal life will manifest itself - moment by moment.

In the meantime, I am still mildly surprised at my response of gratitude in that near-miss moment. And despite my grumblings, I firmly hold to the belief that life is good, God is good, and I look forward to life after death with my Saviour and King...and my friend, Jesus.

For when we choose to believe Jesus is who He says He is and become Christians, our perspective on life and death changes...or it should change. 

We have new life and new hope during our life as Christians, and we have hope because we believe there is life after death. 

Life with God eternal. 

Thank you Jesus!

words exploring

the sun
the moon
love
hate
yours
mine
peace
struggle
running
remaining
look
see
know
watch
wait
...wait

'O God, you are my God, and I will ever love you.'

your light, your love, your mercy, your truth,...you

Darkness will not prevail, your light is to bright, too strong, too pure...darkness never had a chance.

whirlwind
confusion
light
truth
walk
walk with
...pause

True Confression

When I can't sleep at night, I think of you.
When I lose all perspective, I run to you.
When I want to be accepted, I turn to you.
When I am in awe and grateful, I sing to you.
There are many distractions, many road blocks to my Heart, but You...You wait, You urge me on, You guide me, You call me forth. You Are. You surround me with songs of deliverance.
When I have no one to talk with, You are there. You hear me, You speak with me. 
I have an ache of pity for those who do not know you. If they only knew...
If they  only    knew.

Jesus: Saviour, Lord, King...My hope is in You. My faith is in You. My life is in You.

Jesus: Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.~Acts 4:12

~

Please consider getting to know The One True God, if you don't know Him already...His name is Jesus, His story is all around you, but you can read about Him in The Bible.

 check it out here or here or here

Another Check Off The Bucket List

For several years now I have been wanting to try falconry. I love birds. I have cared for canaries, chickens, among other birds in the past, but the larger raptors I have always found particularly majestic and enticing. A number of years ago, I found a place that offered falconry lessons but, in my attempt to contact them I found out that they were no longer in operation. I didn't give up looking though. There were other places that were just too far for me to travel to at the time but then I found a falconry opportunity at Mont Tremblant.

Mont Tremblant is about 2 hours north of Montreal and is normally known for downhill skiing, but it has reinvented itself into a four season playground - which includes falconry.

This activity takes up to six people. Marjorie was our fabulous guide and taught us about the history of falconry, modern uses for falconry, and details about the bird we were working with this day - a Harris Hawk named Onyx.

After a 15-20 minute information session we went right to work.  Onyx was brought out of his box and his GPS tag applied in case he got lost. Marjorie left his bell on to discourage competitive prey while we were working with Onyx. We each took turns putting on the gauntlet and feeding Onyx. Onyx will eat 2 whole chicks and bits and pieces from our excursion to equal about 3 chicks this day.

We each don the gauntlet keeping our arm at our side while Onyx flies off into the trees. Marjorie keeps a close eye on him as she puts little pieces of chicken in the crease of the the glove before we raise our arm to beckon Onyx to land. Marjorie repositions the group so that Onyx - who is very clever - would have to navigate more skillfully through the foliage to land, basically making him work for his food. The speed and agility of this bird was amazing! Watching his wings avoid touching even a leaf as he navigated through the trees was mesmerizing. I informed Marjorie that she had the best summer job ever - to which, she agreed.

There were others where we were; hikers would pass by and some would watch a bit before moving on.  Onyx didn't seem to mind; however, there were times when Onyx would all of a sudden make a warning call when there seemed to be no one on the trail...As it turned out, there were people there that we didn't yet see and also dogs. Coyotes, being a natural predator to this bird, caused Onyx to instinctively respond to the dogs as a threat - a danger that caught us humans completely unaware! 
So, not only did we get to see and experience the talents of this bird, we also got to see the reaction to danger that this bird might encounter in the wild!

At the the end of it all, I was beyond thrilled by the experience...With a deeper appreciation for the raptor and for falconry, and the chance to share it with my family as well...I left fulfilled and grateful.

Another check off my Bucket List.

What is on YOUR Bucket List?

I Have Not Been to a Church in a Few Years

I have not been to a church in a few years.
Not because I have walked away from the Faith, but because there are none around where I live.
When I say "none", I mean none that I desire to attend.
I have no community.
It is a little lonely.
I do have a particular spot where I go to commune specifically with God, a spot where authentic pouring out of my heart and soul is done.
God meets me there.
It is on a mountain - a small one - a little spot where there are no distractions but the wind.
I find this spot 'holy' invigorating.
Away from the mountain, I see God work daily.
If I look.
In me and in my circumstances...or in others.
God is at work.
God is good...great...amazing...unabashedly loving...
Yet...

Who am I but a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.

I have not been to a church in a few years.
Still, God is with me.



James 4:13-15

Climbing Tree

Character
challenge
love
run
embrace
revitalize
breathe
purge
bond
strategize
personal
invigorating
vista
alive
appreciative
conquer
me
nature
God
more
...

Not Very Christian

It has been a very trying couple of years. Struggling with who I am and what I stand for has been my main adversary, and yet, I know it is an adversary to better me, not destroy me. The biggest struggle with my walk in this world has been how to step out into who I want to be, who I know I am, vs how to do it and still honour God (...and "no" people, I am not talking about sexual orientation). When it comes to honouring God with my actions, I recognize that God does not need my defense. He can take care of His own reputation. It is stabilizing my identity that leaves me feeling like a failure at times as I break free from the foolishness of religion and the blows of unsubstantiated condemnation brought against me.

You see, I hadn't realized how much of a 'doormat' I have become. When faced with conflict, I would generally step into my peacemaker persona and take the brunt of the blow, thinking that it makes me the "better-person", meanwhile others have interpreted my actions as guilt, weakness, and I become a target for further abuse. In these past two years, this type of activity in my personal and professional life has been escalating, leaving me seriously wounded - struggling with bitterness, anger, and intolerance. 

Right now, I am trying to break free. 

I am a bit of a recluse, there is no getting away from that. I can be social, but usually purposefully social. For example, I get to know others and I draw them together socially, but once I have connected persons to each other, I draw back. My energy is drained in large social gatherings after even a short time...I am an introvert most of the time. With this quality about me, there leaves a mystery I guess, to my being, that people seem to love to speculate on. Ironically, if anybody wanted to take the time to get to know me, I am generally very forthcoming, and probably not what they expected, but most people would rather live in a world of fantasy; it tends to be more interesting than the truth...This is the reason Hollywood thrives.

Presenting myself to others in such a way that they see the qualities of God before they see the qualities of Misti is an ever-sword-in-my-side situation. It weighs heavily on me as each decision I make - especially in the quandary of retaliation or defending myself - becomes a battle of determining whether my action will honour God or not, and then, is my decision based on a religious response of what I think God would approve of or not...and oftentimes, it is less a case of what God would approve of and more of a case of what the religious would approve of...sigh, I get exhausted in my spirit just writing that.

Quite frankly, there are times I would love to turn and beat the hell out of some people...and then pray for them... But that's not very "Christian" of me, is it?

Transforming so that the qualities of Misti are consistently a reflection of God is an ongoing process that definitely has its speed bumps. These past couple of years I have forgotten more often than remembered exactly who I am...I am NOT the Great I AM, but by the GRACE of God, I am who I am...an imperfect woman, a child of the living God, loved by God, forgiven by God, and transformed by Him...and this adversarial existence lately is part of the transforming work of Jesus Christ in my life. 

And despite the calamity I have been experiencing, it is comforting to know that God loves me just as I am...it is even more reassuring to know that He loves me so much that He will not leave me as I am.

Weary and Cynical

In these past couple of years, I have become cynical. I used to think that people were generally kind and not (for lack of a better general description) mean. In my self-righteous arrogance, I have identified so many angry, bitter, spiteful, ignorant, critical, self-important people that have challenged my patience...and it is all I can see. Blinded by fog.

Now, I know I can, and have had, each of these characteristics flow through my veins, but through the Grace of God, I have worked through, and I am still working through - and overcoming the wounding of these strongholds. The trying part for me right now is the fact that as I try to let God work in and through me, these traits  seem to be pounding greater and greater against my armor - like a blow horn 3 feet away from my ear wanting to blow my eardrum into eternal deafness.

Sigh.


Immersing yourself in the Presence of God to shake off the anger of this world can be difficult...at least for me it can be. Sometimes, I want to wallow in this darkness just so I can throw it back at those that offend...Instigate revenge, retribution, retaliation. It is hard not to sink to that level. I must take it to God in prayer, even then, I sometimes feel He doesn't hear my cry of frustration.

Sadly, as I write this, I can hear the voices of condemnation from the religious. The voices of the Grace-filled are faint...almost non-existent. 

Time to refocus.

I return to the lap of Abba...Protect me. Give me strength. 


“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.Galatians 6:9
 
[ The Armor of God ] Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Ephesians 6

Trust in the Lord your God and don't lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3 <-go here

The Journey Continues...

In this past year, I have learned that life is not always what you expect. I have learned that some people are very afraid of being alone as they age. I have learned that some people are cruel beyond my imagination. And I have learned that God still loves and works in us and through us even when we are told He would have nothing to do with us. (Yeah, seriously wrong understanding of the Father by those...)

It has been an incredible eye-opener for me. The bubble of life I have lived in for so long has popped and I find myself in a world of grit. I am no longer surrounded by church goers, let alone believers. I do not have a circle of friends that I can count on to listen to my concerns, hurts, beliefs, musings, etc. This world is foreign to me and my understanding of how to live life, yet I have not left Canada...just the province of Ontario. I am in Quebec. A province that wishes to be a country. The complications in that sentence alone could fill several pages of my blog; right now however, it is not where I want to navigate...though it does influence my existence here.

I find the blanket of oppression heavy here and prayer difficult oftentimes. My own behaviour as a Child of God inappropriate at times, and yet, when I gear up and engage in battle and the Holy Spirit does things that are far more "impressive" than what I had ever seen in my previous season of existence!

When I think that God can no longer use me...I decide that I have nothing to lose, so I speak out boldly and WHAM, God moves. He moves through me and I see a side of God that I had not yet encountered! I am not out evangelizing, speaking the Word of God like a seasoned theologian, I am just me trying to bring some love and peace into the hearts and minds of others in the way I was taught. And despite me, the Holy Spirit brings what is needed to do what He wants done...and I am left humbled and in awe.

Around me are people who have no clue that they are loved by their Creator and that life is not about the money, the next party, the next partner, the next toy, the prestige, the next church building, or church service, it is not about any other thing/event you can dream of. It is about the desire to know Him every moment of every day.

~

I have been struggling with what life should look like for me. I am, in a way, at the precipice of another new season. I am beginning to realize that life for each of us is the same but different...and it is a good thing, a liberating thing. I do not have to have the 2.5 kids, white picket fence, and so on (however you have been brainwashed into idealizing existence). And regardless of what my life does look like, it is this desire to know God that will overflow into how I live and what others see and moved by...even despite my imperfections. It is a journey of adjustment...neverending...

...To be cont'd....

Hot Air Ballooning

It was 3:38 am and I had not slept much. I had been bothered by a dream...more like a nightmare. There was a being, neither male nor female in my bed tormenting me. I cast it away in my dream by calling out to Jesus...I awoke with the name of Jesus on my lips, however muffled it may have sounded. After a few minutes of prayer, I dozed off again to awake at 3:38 am. Regardless of the dream, I got up to have a shower and start my day. Nothing was going to hinder me today, not bad dreams nor lack of sleep...Today I get to fulfill a dream...a good dream!

St-Jean-sur-Richelieu, a little town in Quebec, Canada holds a Festival of Hot Air Balloons every year. I am now living less than an hour away (if the bridges are open) from this little town and I upon first opportunity, booked an early morning flight.

At the VIP meeting grounds, I waited under the moon and stars for the sun to rise and the pilot to call us forth. Of course, morning sunrise is my favourite time of day, so waiting was no problem for me as I lingered in the glory of the new day. Others - wandered around half asleep in and out of the quonset hut with coffee and donuts in hand, trying so shake of their drowsiness. Despite this, there was excitement in the air for everyone.

Once the sun was up, we met with our pilot and headed off to the launching site. There are launching sites all over the little town. Fields, parks, and parking lots that were empty in these morning hours were slowly filled with trucks and trailors carrying balloons, baskets, and people all ready rise up. 

The empty spaces slowly filled with baskets (that are not as big as one would think) and colourful material that would unfold and be filled with air on the ground before they are filled with propane in preparation for flight.

People with cameras, professionals and otherwise, were taking pictures left, right, and center as the balloons unfolded. The mass of colours were delightful to watch unfold in the morning light. Some balloons were characters and it became a guessing game to accurately predict what would unfold. I caught the expression of a couple of little girls as they saw one of our favourite balloons near finish filling:

The balloon they were in awe of..."When pigs fly..."

After our balloon was filled, we got instruction on how to get in and out, what to touch and not to touch...and then it was time!

 In we got and off we went...

Now, I am not afraid of heights, but there is a period of time where instinct takes over and in the span about the height of a skyscraper, in the first few moments of flight, I felt slightly unnerved...Once I got past that I was good to go.

The view was incredible and it was suprisingly peaceful...

For my fellow Canadians...a welcome sight any morning whether on the ground or in the air...

For my American friends...

There were all kinds of great balloons. Approximately 120 participate in the festival (...which I highly recommend!), and I took pics of a few outstanding:

Pepe le Peu...

Sharky...

Balloons at a lower altitude have the right-of-way.

Right below us, one of my favourite traditional balloons...

The balloons can fly quite low, and we skimmed across the cornfields for a bit, about 1-2ft above the tops of the corn. It is poor etiquette to drag your basket through the crops, and a skilled pilot knows how to read the wind and mangage the balloon so this is avoided.

Our pilot...Jim is from Connecticut...Pilot for 30 yrs and a balloon inspector as well. We were in good hands.

Another shot of the tranquil masses floating along...

Balloons beginning to land...

Skimming just above the corn before we land...

We landed safely with only three bumps to the ground, basket upright.

After we got out of the basket, we helped the pilot begin to deflate the balloon and wait for the chase team to catch up with us. Once the balloon was packed up, we drove out of the field to the farmer's house to present the farmer with the traditional bottle of champagne (which, this time, was a local apple cider) and a certificate for a brunch at a local resturant.

My dream fulfilled, I fully intend to fly again. It was a wonderful experience that I would recommend to everyone!

Next...gliding.... ;)

A Season of Trials

I have been reading over some of my blog posts of past and I am struck with some surprise at what I have written. Everything I write, I write for myself as much as I write for anyone else. I write what I write to serve as a reminder and encouragement in my own walk, and I need reminding these days of God's unfailing love, hesed, grace, mercy, strength, ...of perseverance...

One area that I know I need to sharpen my sword in is in the battlefield of the mind. My mind. Taking back what was stolen from me and not allowing the enemy of my soul drain me of all hope by assulting my mind needs to be a priority. I have found that I am in a new place of trials, testing, strengthening...Where is my faith in this season? Do I long after the King as I did? More so? Less so? How do I reconcile what I am going through with what I know of God and His Word? Do I really know God like I thought I did? And why am I allowing others to mandate my existence? My walk. Am I strong enough? Do I need to be? Do I really trust Him?

This time, for me, has been one of deeper soul searching. Rhyming off scripture to answer the questions of my heart and mind doesn't cut it. My spirit longs for better understanding.
Right now, I feel as though I am being led through another side of life that in the past I had so arrogantly pushed aside as being "unfortunate circumstances", "weaker or lesser faith", "rebellion", or just plain "they don't get it" attitudes. Situations that I had always figured were other people's problems, not anything I would have to deal with personally. (Yeah right. Never ask God for true understanding if you don't mean it.)
...I often wonder how this season will glorify God?

That being said, I must turn to the Word and prayer, and listen, especially when I don't feel like it, and keep going. Keep persevering. Keep hope. Trust Him to guide me through. ...It is not an easy season to say the least. But, then again, we were never promised "easy" were we?


Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.~Hebrews 10:23

Tainted Saints

I knew a pastor that had abused his wife physically and emotionally. I knew a pastor that lied. I knew a person who paraded as a pastor, but was no longer "licenced". I knew a pastor that stole. I knew a pastor that was manipulative and controlling. I knew a married pastor that flirted with women in the congregation. I knew a pastor that was addicted to pornography. I also knew a pastor that gambled.

In my time, over the years working with different churches and church leaders, I have seen many things. In fact, what I have seen and heard could have and did destroy careers, marriages, reputations...and churches. It is not just the pastors that I had seen operating in destructive manners, but congregation members too. It happens.

What perplexes me the most is the plank-in-the-eye syndrome, or in other words, the lack of grace and mercy that these pastors (I am going to pick on "pastors" today) refused to exhibit towards others who may have been stumbling in their own walk. The spirit of self-righteousness was (is) alive and well in our church leadership - sadly.

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds~Hebrews 10:24

As I navigate through the trials of my own walk with God, I look to my brothers and sisters in Christ for examples, for support, for understanding...for acceptance. When I look at these pastors, knowing their sin, I expect understanding. It is being able to relate to the struggle of plodding through miry clay, wanting to give up - yet holding on to hope, trying to see things clearly, and letting the Lord work in you to do all that is necessary(...the struggle...)that connect us. It is because of this experience in life that we are able to encourage others, to spur each other on in our walk with God. We are not islands. Yet, more often than not, we deny the truth of our character flaws and dress in the facade of convenience to keep our pride intact. (Catch the irony there?) It would seem that I expect(ed) too much.

Where grace and mercy is given and grace and mercy is received,...So, grace and mercy is to be passed on.

My rant for the day.

fear

This isn't what I expected or what I hoped for by any stretch of the imagination. Sometimes, I am sure that God places me in a bubble of sorts...you know, the boundary lines fall in pleasant places kinda feel, but without the "pleasant" aspect...more like a "tolerable" place...the "in-between" place...lukewarm - not hot, not cold..."God, I don't like this place."

So, here in this place, I turn to God for guidance (more like desperation to get out) and I listen for Him to speak...to show me the way...for a sign...Instead, He talks about how He loves me...how I am His.  !   How do you whine to God when He is telling you that He loves you?!  So, I rest in His love - for a while - and then I dig a little deeper. "God, why am I bothered in this situation?" (tenacious - one of my discriptors...I think God made me that way...perhaps) And He is silent.  I listen harder. "Lord, help me to hear Your voice, please remove that from me which hinders me from hearing You...please." ...then, I see a word in my mind... FEAR

Flamin' Hockey Pucks!


For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.~Isaiah 41:13

Just Me

This morning when I awoke, a stream of prayers immediately flowed. My mind and my heart invigorated by the prompting of the Holy Spirit. The day has just begun. I followed my usual pattern of activity in and around the house...personal, cats, dog, coffee, Word...I am such a creature of habit I have concluded. I keep thinking I will change up my morning rituals...tomorrow. It is amazing how tomorrow is so elusive. The conversation in my mind with God slows as I read other's words. I am encouraged by some, concerned for others, and some I skip because I am not terribly interested at this point in my day - my coffee has not quite kicked in enough for me to care (?).

The conversation with God begins to take precedence once again in my mind...Give me Your eyes to see with, Your ears to hear with, and Your heart to respond with this day Lord Jesus...Amen.

~

I write to read and learn my heart,
I write to hear the cry of the soul,
I write because I cannot be heard,
I write to teach myself to be.

~

It is going to be one of those days, I can tell.

;)

Today...

Today: A day of frustration. A day of realigning my thinking. A day of reaffirming my trust in God's lead. Oi! It has been one of those days! Just when I think things are coming together, a huge cloud begins to shade out the light (not entirely unexpected, of course).  Resistance. It will make you or break you at times depending on who's strength you rely on. This morning, it was my strength, but as the day progressed, I handed things over to God, little by little, humbly in submission. I am reminded that He really wants me to learn to trust Him...all the time, with everything!


Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. ~Prov.3:5-6

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.~James 4:7

But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, "You are my God."~Psalm 31:14

When I Woke Up

When I woke up this morning, I thought of you...I thought of you...I thought of you...

The Holy One, the Great I AM, the King of all, the One True God

You have drawn my attention to you and your will for my life. Some days I resist, other days I am just grateful to be called your own. For all that you have done and all that you are doing, all that I cannot see or fathom, I am thankful. I know that you are looking out for me. You watch over me and place me in situations, surrounding me by those to whom I need to give, from whom I need to take. You guard and guide my days...and I am thankful. Without you I would be lost...so lost...so very lost. In you I am at peace. I can rest despite the whirlwinds of life.

Others of you, will you hear my heart and know: Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. Jesus loves you and longs for you to know him, just ask him.

I woke up this morning thinking of you, longing to be in your will, longing to be in your arms, longing to hear your voice...and you spoke:

Remain in me and I will remain in you. Apart from me you can do nothing. I love you.

2010-The Endeavour

share the love and truth of Jesus so others will see and be inspired to do the same

engage in battle with courage, always asking God for His eyes to see throughfocus

take back my physical stamina, engage in new self-discipline body, mind, soul, and spirit, rising to new heights

reveal the gem that has been hidden for so long

rediscover life

2010

A Babbling Confession

For many days now, I have been assessing where my heart lies and what I want the next year to hold. It has not been an easy assessmnt and I am still in the process of refining, making sure that I am at the core of where the truth of my heart lies. 

This may sound a little odd, but I have not been trained to respond to what I truly desire, but rather, with an imminent list of pros and cons, I'd make decisions which would compromise my heart.  And oftentimes, seeking out any Godly counsel or wisdom of friends was commonly (and foolishly) overruled by the pride I had allowed to dictate my soul. This has resulted in many decisions that I have regretted. It is a process and a habit I want no part of any longer! Sadly, I have been saying this for a while, and yet, I still fall into the same habit of decision making...and, by my standards, I am way too old to continue to allow this ungodly behaviour. 
I mention age because it is becoming apparent to me that as I come to kiss my forty's, the legacy I leave behind thus far, is...well...let me just say, it could be so much better.
So, where does that leave me?
The Bible has much to say on the heart, wisdom, what our focus should be on...And perhaps my ambition to leave a better legacy is prideful of me...though determining that is part of the process of soul-searching...
What is my heart's desire? Why do I want what I want?

Make in me a clean heart, Lord Jesus, and renew a right spirit within me...This is the psalmist's cry and mine also.

To break free of the chains that hold me back from being all that I can be  God intends me to be!  Isn't that the challenge? Putting aside ourselves and letting God lead, but doing so without getting caught up in a Martyr complex  - which is pretty much like twisting God's purpose and taking the lead from God once again. I am being very transparent when I say that I have informally "suffered" from the "Martyr complex"...that's expected of women anyhow, right? Everyone else comes first and good little (christian) women suck-it-up and die to their selves.  Unfortunately, the dying-to-self-thing is misappropriated, thus the martyr complex. But I digress.

Let's see...Legacy...Heart's desires...
Truly: My greatest desire? To honour God. How does one do that? Moment to moment live for Him. That is a challenge in and of itself! Aligning my heart to God's heart for me in all of this is where I need and want to be, but I am finding it difficult because this season, it will be taking me way out of my comfort zone. WAY out! But that's a good thing, right?