Monday, December 15, 2008

Honest - Being True to Oneself

I posted this in June of this year and it has been getting a lot of hits over the past several months, so I thought I would re-post it.

Truly, standing up and taking on the challenge of becoming all that you are meant to be is not an easy task, but it must be done; otherwise, you will always have an emptiness and a longing that will never be fulfilled. Only God can fill that void and He will fill that void if you let Him. I encourage you to be relentless in pursuing God, He is relentless in pursuing you, even when you stop and turn away from Him, He still gently draws you back. This Christmas season is as good as time as any to turn your heart towards the God who formed you, who knows you, who loves you, and desires you to know Him...intimately.

Take the Journey, be true to yourself by being true to our King...He is calling you out, He is calling you to Himself...Go.
Honest, genuine, truth, being true to oneself...being true to oneself...In these past few weeks I have been struggling with the issue of who I am, in the sense that I know I am a child of God, but am I living such that others see it and does my behaviour stir others towards God or away from Him?

This has been a difficult time because, as God works in me, I have been confronting deep set fears that I thought I had either squashed or removed from my psyche .

You see, I grew up in the Anglican church...not a bad thing, I learned that Jesus loves me. What I didn't learn was that I could have a personal relationship with God - rather, God was untouchable, an entity to fear and respect, not someone I could get to know, who would care about me and my concerns (even the most seemingly insignificant of worries).

And even though fearing God is spoken of in the Bible, it was emphasized out of context in the church...unfortunately, like so many things are...

That being said, God is gracious...He knows my heart and He knew I was searching Him out. Over the years I attended many different denominations, each one with its problems and each one with a purpose to fill in society leading people to Christ. Do not think for one moment that God does not use different denominations, despite their misguided theology or whatever the grievance we perceive to be a shame. God works in and through all things to His Glory and to our benefit.

I remember one church I attended that was very charismatic - I learned many things there and my walk with the Lord grew and I grew in faith. The one thing that stood out to me the most though, was when the pastor said (more than once), "If you do not find God here, feel free to go somewhere else. Just find God!" What he was implying was that if this particular worship environment didn't help you grow to know God better, go look elsewhere, you are not bound to this congregation just because you have gone here for 'how many' years. Ironically, my family thought I was nuts to go to this church...some were quite disgusted that I would leave the 'family' tradition and search for God elsewhere. But they didn't understand. I was searching for a deeper more meaningful relationship with God. God was leading me. He was revealing Himself to me in new ways. Through different people, different worship styles, different...different from what I was used to, different from what I was comfortable with, different from what I expected.

You see, God was showing me that He is everywhere. Really everywhere, not just in a church building, not just in a specific denomination, He works through people, circumstances, and places I would have never fathomed. And He was answering my know Him intimately.

So, over the years, I have had some really wonderful experiences with God, I have also had some incredibly difficult years where I, quite honestly, would not like to repeat. What I have learned through all of this is that even though I think I am letting God be the Great I AM, I still have Him in a box of my own understanding. He destroys the box to show me He will not be contained, that He is uncontainable and thus, I grow in my understanding of Him and my love for Him more and more. His love for me remains the same...unconditional and deeper than I know.

This is where being true to oneself comes in, I know God is bigger than all my problems, I know God loves me and want me to grow in that love, I want to grow in His love; however, He keeps challenging me. I like a good challenge, sure, but when it tears to your core and makes you realize your own shortcomings, your own sin...well, it is uncomfortable, to say the least.

Lately, I have been challenged to step out and do and speak and write what I know and believe. For all to see. I am vulnerable. I am not a Bible scholar. I have so many faults and fears that I want to use as excuses to avoid sharing the Truth of Jesus Christ, but God is calling me out. He will not leave me alone, He is stretching me - and as uncomfortable as it is, I desire this more than anything - to grow in the love and knowledge of Jesus and to share with others. This means that I need to be bold - (I talk fearlessness and now I must walk fearlessness) - this means I need to rely on God more and more, which is easier said than done.

I am glad God has brought me to this place in my life (I am sad that I made the journey to this point more difficult than what I could have - that's what relying on self and not on God leads to though...sigh). I pray you would see the honest struggle that I, as a Christian, face and be encouraged...somehow...Being a child of God, a believer, does not mean we have it all together and have all the answers, it means we recognize who we are...I am not the Great I AM, but by the grace of God, I am who I am.

Psalm 111:10 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise. Psalm 111:9-10 (in Context) Psalm 111 (Whole Chapter)


Michael said...

This is beautiful. Thank you.

I pray that you seek, pray for, and find the Truth in your calling; not just a deeper knowledge of scripture. I pray that you find God, not just words about God.

And I pray that you share your revelations with us, that we may join you in Our Journey.

MistiPearl said...

Thank-you Michael.

Michael said...

One little question: Is it important that others see that you are a child of God, or is it more important to just BE that child?

If you worry about what others see, you might "over-compensate" and throw them off or drive them away. Just love, and be love. :)

MistiPearl said...

Good point! That has been a major part of the struggle though. Allowing myself to be who I am without shame, without can be difficult at times, and you are right it can be a turn-off as I seek to prove that I am a child of God instead of just being one.

One of the fears that I thought I had squashed is the fear of being myself permission just to be and to love leaves me vulnerable to hurt and disappointment right?! Letting go of that fear and walking to honour God instead of man has been (and still is) a major learning curve...but I perservere...:)

BTW-couldn't sleep last night? was the sunrise?;)

hotas_420 said...

I like your pome and I think that it came natural from your heart, well spoken and well said.

MistiPearl said...

hotas_420 - Thank you for your comment and welcome to my blog :)

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