Thursday, March 25, 2010

Trust Me

It has been too long. My muse has gone and now I must search deep within. In many ways, I am becoming more and more guarded I realize. I also realize that it is necessary for me to admit that I am guarding myself. I don't want to reveal my weaknesses and my concerns and be humiliated, I mean, who wants that?! So, what do I write about?  Trying to come up with pearls of wisdom or anything remotely helpful is lost to me, but then again, I started writing this blog to express my perspective on my walk so I could look back objectively and learn, grow, and be encouraged.

Right now, I am completely humbled by my lack of employment. I finished my degree and had 3 different job offers. I was so proud. Strangely, they all fell through and I haven't been able to secure a job since. This is partly because there are major cutbacks going on in this city and newbies are being pushed to the back of the line...seniority rules, and partly because, I believe, God is doing something. I am not just saying that flippantly or as an excuse. Throughout this time of unemployment, my walk with God has been a continuous mountain climbing adventure. Sometimes it has been a nice paced climb with decent terrain, but interspersed between the rough and raw terrain that left me relying completely on my Guide. It hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows as far as the weather goes either. Regardless, I have learned many things about myself, about what I really want and really don't want. I have also learned that when God says, "Trust Me" I am being forwarned that my trust in Him is going to be (usually severely) challenged.

It had gotten to the point where everytime I heard God say "Trust Me" I would inwardly groan looking forward to nothing but hardship ahead. Now when I hear "Trust Me," I am comforted because I know I can trust God. Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. He really does this! Not necessarily in my timing (we are usually on time different clock is faster than His), but that is part of trusting Him. He has perfect timing.

I will leave it at that. I am in the process of learning, living, growing, just like anybody else and I trust that what good works God has begun in me, He will be faithful to bring to completion, just like he will for anyone of you. (Phil 1:6)

Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD,
 have never forsaken those who seek you.
~Psalm 9:10

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