Wednesday, April 13, 2011

A Season of Trials

I have been reading over some of my blog posts of past and I am struck with some surprise at what I have written. Everything I write, I write for myself as much as I write for anyone else. I write what I write to serve as a reminder and encouragement in my own walk, and I need reminding these days of God's unfailing love, hesed, grace, mercy, strength, ...of perseverance...

One area that I know I need to sharpen my sword in is in the battlefield of the mind. My mind. Taking back what was stolen from me and not allowing the enemy of my soul drain me of all hope by assulting my mind needs to be a priority. I have found that I am in a new place of trials, testing, strengthening...Where is my faith in this season? Do I long after the King as I did? More so? Less so? How do I reconcile what I am going through with what I know of God and His Word? Do I really know God like I thought I did? And why am I allowing others to mandate my existence? My walk. Am I strong enough? Do I need to be? Do I really trust Him?

This time, for me, has been one of deeper soul searching. Rhyming off scripture to answer the questions of my heart and mind doesn't cut it. My spirit longs for better understanding.
Right now, I feel as though I am being led through another side of life that in the past I had so arrogantly pushed aside as being "unfortunate circumstances", "weaker or lesser faith", "rebellion", or just plain "they don't get it" attitudes. Situations that I had always figured were other people's problems, not anything I would have to deal with personally. (Yeah right. Never ask God for true understanding if you don't mean it.)
...I often wonder how this season will glorify God?

That being said, I must turn to the Word and prayer, and listen, especially when I don't feel like it, and keep going. Keep persevering. Keep hope. Trust Him to guide me through. ...It is not an easy season to say the least. But, then again, we were never promised "easy" were we?

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.~Hebrews 10:23

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