Monday, October 17, 2011

The Journey Continues...

In this past year, I have learned that life is not always what you expect. I have learned that some people are very afraid of being alone as they age. I have learned that some people are cruel beyond my imagination. And I have learned that God still loves and works in us and through us even when we are told He would have nothing to do with us. (Yeah, seriously wrong understanding of the Father by those...)

It has been an incredible eye-opener for me. The bubble of life I have lived in for so long has popped and I find myself in a world of grit. I am no longer surrounded by church goers, let alone believers. I do not have a circle of friends that I can count on to listen to my concerns, hurts, beliefs, musings, etc. This world is foreign to me and my understanding of how to live life, yet I have not left Canada...just the province of Ontario. I am in Quebec. A province that wishes to be a country. The complications in that sentence alone could fill several pages of my blog; right now however, it is not where I want to navigate...though it does influence my existence here.

I find the blanket of oppression heavy here and prayer difficult oftentimes. My own behaviour as a Child of God inappropriate at times, and yet, when I gear up and engage in battle and the Holy Spirit does things that are far more "impressive" than what I had ever seen in my previous season of existence!

When I think that God can no longer use me...I decide that I have nothing to lose, so I speak out boldly and WHAM, God moves. He moves through me and I see a side of God that I had not yet encountered! I am not out evangelizing, speaking the Word of God like a seasoned theologian, I am just me trying to bring some love and peace into the hearts and minds of others in the way I was taught. And despite me, the Holy Spirit brings what is needed to do what He wants done...and I am left humbled and in awe.

Around me are people who have no clue that they are loved by their Creator and that life is not about the money, the next party, the next partner, the next toy, the prestige, the next church building, or church service, it is not about any other thing/event you can dream of. It is about the desire to know Him every moment of every day.
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I have been struggling with what life should look like for me. I am, in a way, at the precipice of another new season. I am beginning to realize that life for each of us is the same but different...and it is a good thing, a liberating thing. I do not have to have the 2.5 kids, white picket fence, and so on (however you have been brainwashed into idealizing existence). And regardless of what my life does look like, it is this desire to know God that will overflow into how I live and what others see and moved by...even despite my imperfections. It is a journey of adjustment...neverending...

...To be cont'd....

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