Discouraged (?!)

It doesn't take much to become discouraged. I mean, when you have put your trust in God and it has been years and He's still "working all things together" and you are losing hope of ever coming out of this blasted season! A part of me figures since I have followed Him thus far, I should have the right to fuss and demand that He hurry up. I mean, I have been relatively obedient and I deserve some reward/privilege for that...right?!

What am I saying?!

Of course, I don't really mean it. I don't deserve anything. I am just frustrated. As I try to listen to God's leading and do all that I am called to do in this moment, I find myself ancy. I have been living through some incredibly bizzare circumstances for quite some time now. I can't make head nor tails of it, neither can others. So, I am drawn closer to God and further away from many...many things and many people. My greatest concern now is that I am becoming comfortable here in this odd existence, which is a sure indication that I need to be careful before the Lord stirs things up again...(words that comfort me but leave me disconcerted all in the same breath).

Sigh. Discouragement. ...And yet the Word of God speaks:

Deuteronomy 31:8
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

I think I need to go meditate upon these words and my feelings right now.

This could be a chase down between me and God. Maybe that is what He wants - He has chased me all this time, perhaps He wants me to know how much I want Him...? Like wanting Him more than I want to remain discouraged.